Bwaha. BwaHAHAHAHA!


If anyone gives/gave you Crawlers for Christmas a) I’m amazed b) I’m delighted and c) the person who gave it to you is awesome. You can tell them I said so. 😀

Coming Soon! By (some!) Popular Demand! A complete list of my Twittered favourite words so far – plus the chance to vote for your ‘favourite favourite’ and maybe even (gasp!) win a prize!

The Chainsaw Gang‘s shadowy mastermind Sarwat Chadda has struck again. Myself, Alex Bell, Alexander Gordon Smith, William Hussey, Steve Feasey, Jon Mayhew, Sarah Silverwood, Stephen Deas and David Gatward have all been nastily assimilated into a terrifying, all-consuming, unholy mutant gene-splice of Blog Tour and… Christmas Carol?

Yes: as I type these words it’s just begun, at the most excellent My Favourite Books. Prepare yourself, gentle reader, for The Twelve Deaths of Christmas!

Update: Here are direct links to the stops on the tour so far…

Verse One at My Favourite Books: When writing Horror for young people, how much is too much?

Verse Two at Mr Ripley’s Enchanted Books: How would you describe yourself as a character in one of your books?

Verse Three at Narratively Speaking: What’s the spookiest place you’ve ever visited?

Verse Four at Wondrous Reads: If you could be in any Horror movie, which would you choose and who would you play (part one)?

Verse Five at The Book Zone: What is your favourite movie death?

Verse Six at Book Gazing: Which books are you looking forward to receiving as Christmas presents this year (part one)?

Verse Seven – and our 12 DEATHS GIVEAWAY, FOLLOW THIS LINK TO FIND OUT HOW TO WIN! – at Book Gazing: Which books are you looking forward to receiving as Christmas presents this year (part two)?

Verse Eight – ‘Eight Crawlers Creeping!’ 😀 – at The Book Zone: Who from Horror history would you invite to a Halloween meal? and What scares you?

Verse Nine – and more details re our 12 DEATHS GIVEAWAY! – at Wondrous Reads: If you could be in any Horror movie, which would you choose and who would you play (part two)?

Verse Ten at Narratively Speaking: What is your favourite Horror story?

At my visit to Bushey Meads School yesterday not just one but two of the young people I spoke to asked to have their first names used in my next book.

I did my best to warn them that their names might go to characters who, say, eat children but, strangely, that didn’t seem to put them off. 😀

I was asked all sorts of other excellent questions throughout the day, for which I had to scramble hard to find what I hope were decent answers. Here I am being interviewed by student librarians for the school magazine and (by the look of it) preparing to shoot bolts of plasma from my fingertips:

This was my last school visit of 2010, and a great one to finish off on. An enormous THANK YOU to everyone involved.

Yesterday I visited Northgate High School with a squadron of shiny killer robots. Here I am giving the order to attack:

Only joking. My thanks to everyone I met and spoke to at the school for the warmth of their welcome and – particularly – an excellent lunch. It was a brilliant visit. I didn’t even think about giving the order to attack – this time. ;D

I love visiting The City of London School. There are so many famous London landmarks nearby that I’ve DESTROYED in my stories!

Most of the young people I talked to today have actually been on school trips to the Barbican, just like the characters in Crawlers

I hope they like what I’ve done with the place. HEE HEE HEE HEE!

This week you have not one but TWO chances to witness the full horror of The Chainsaw Gang – LIVE!

Our ‘official’ first live appearance en masse is this Saturday 23rd October at The Crystal Palace Children’s Book Festival, starring Alexander Gordon Smith, Jon Mayhew, Alex Bell, Steve Feasey, Alex Milway, Sarwat Chadda and, heh, me. Tickets for our Best of Horror event are strictly limited: if you haven’t booked yet, click here to book now!

HOWEVER: in a late addition to our Chainsaw Masterplan, this Thursday 21st, from 7pm-9pm, three members of the ‘Gang — that’s Jon Mayhew, David Gatward and yours truly — will be appearing alongside Joseph Delaney and my old TBM mucker Tommy Donbavand at Crosby Civic Hall, Sefton in a HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR SCAREFEST! This event will be staged by Masterless Samurai Bookseller Tony of Pritchard’s, Formby: click here for all the details!

There are a number of very good reasons why I’ve never been described – as I am in Tony’s enthusiastic blurb – as a ‘martial arts expert.’ Yikes, hope nobody at these events calls me out on that! ;p

‘We’re not stealing it,’ he said at last. ‘We’re just borrowing it.’

‘It starts with all of us like that,’ Lex said, grinning.

from Lex Trent Versus The Gods by Alex Bell

Conventional storytelling wisdom states that one’s central character should be “easy to relate to.” Where all too many writers go wrong, I think, is that not only do they take that suggestion as some kind of golden rule that always must be obeyed – they also take “easy to relate to” to mean “nice.”

I hate nice heroes. There is nothing more likely to put me off or pull me out of an otherwise potentially decent story/film/game than if it starts shouting too loudly and too obviously that its central protagonist is supposed to be universally likeable.

You know what I’m talking about: Hollywood does it all the time, to the point where certain actors’ career success is only explicable through what must be studio execs’ belief that by casting that person (again) they can say to an audience, “See? That’s supposed to be you!

I mention no names

I believe that nobody is universally likeable. Moreover I believe that in trying to make a character “easy to relate to” creators often leave out so much of what makes a person interesting that the results inevitably qualify as bad characterisation. At any rate, given a choice between an anodyne goodie or an intriguing baddie you can sign me up for the forces of darkness every time.

Some of my very favourite protagonists are rogues, ne’er-do-wells – antiheroes. Most stories involve characters you’re supposed to want to triumph over the horrible situations their authors have put them in, sure, but I’m a sucker for ones in which the pleasure also comes from seeing what shameless, depraved or simply amoral things the antihero or antiheroine is prepared to do to make a story turn out their way.

Enter Lex Trent, of Lex Trent Versus The Gods, by my fellow Chainsaw Gangster Alex Bell.

Lex Trent is a thief. He’s also a liar, a confidence artist, a fraudster, a troublemaker and one of the most engaging and entertaining characters I’m come across since Scott Lynch’s The Lies of Locke Lamora – maybe even George Macdonald Fraser’s majestic bounder Flashman. From terrorizing old ladies to cheating his twin brother there’s no villainy to which Lex won’t stoop: the genius of Alex Bell‘s storytelling is, you love him for it.

Those looking for ‘positive role models’ – whatever those are – look elsewhere. Those who like their fantasy fast and fun and a little bit scurrilous, look no further: Lex Trent Versus The Gods is a hoot.

This is Alex Bell:

And these are her answers to the crucial Chainsaw Gang Questions:

1. What’s your favourite book?

That’s a really tough one, and I can’t possibly choose between Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal, J K Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Madeleine Brent’s Tregaron’s Daughter.

2. What – or who – is your favourite monster?

It would have to be a medusa – because the whole snakes-for-hair and turning-heroes-to-stone thing is so much fun.

3. Your favourite bad-ass monster slayer?

Um . . . is it too predictable to say Buffy?

4. If you could make a pact with the Devil, what would you want in exchange for your immortal soul?

The ability to play any musical instrument (but preferably the violin) fiendishly well. As someone who has to work really hard to be listenable, I covet superlative musical ability.

5. The Chainsaw Gang are all trapped on a desert island with no food. Who would you eat first and why?

Hmm . . . Well, as a vegetarian I would probably be eating the sand, to be honest, but if I’m pushed then I’d have to say Sarah Pinborough because, somehow, it seems less gross to eat a lady than a bloke – you never know where they’ve been, after all.

Thank you, Alex! (Er, I think ;p) To find out more about Alex Bell and her writing, check out her website.

This has been Stage Three of the Chainsaw Gang Blog Tour (click here for Stage One and Stage Two). Stage Four takes place this Monday 18th October at the blog of Stephen Deas. Meanwhile, click here/scroll down to the post below for details of how to win The Chainsaw Library – a signed copy of the latest book by every member of the Gang.

The Chainsaw Gang are limbering up for our first onslaughtfour live events this month, preceded by a BLOG TOUR!

On this Monday 11th Oct 2010 shadowy ‘Gang mastermind Sarwat Chadda will start the tour with an interview on his blog. From then on, over the next couple of weeks, the rest of the Chainsaw posse will take turns to introduce each other.

By the end of the tour you’ll have had the chance to discover some terrific up and coming authors of thrilling literature for young people. And that’s not all: you’ll also be in with a shot at winning signed copies of the latest books by every member of the Chainsaw Gang absolutely free, in our Blog Tour Competition!

Here’s how it works:

To win the Chainsaw Library you need to score votes. Each vote goes into a vast hat at the end of the competition and one winning name will come out. The great thing is you can enter per blog: that’s nine chances to win! So make sure you visit each and every blog on the tour. Votes are scored as follows:

+1 if you link the blog/website to yours

+2 if you stick our Chainsaw banner up somewhere

+1 if you’re a Facebook fan/friend – here’s a link to my Facebook profile for that.

+1 if you comment on the blog or (in my case) leave a comment on the Crawlers Guestbook.

+1 if you reTweet this competition.

+1 if you follow us on Twitter – here’s a link to my Twitter profile.

The closing date of the competition is Friday 5th November and the competition is open to UK residents only.

To repeat: the tour kicks off this Monday 11th October on Sarwat Chadda’s blog.

See you there. 😀

But I bought the t-shirt anyway. 😀

For those who don’t know the great man and his work, here’s a link to the Wikipedia entry for Professor Bootsy Collins. And this is his Funk University.

Better yet: this year redoubtable Samurai Librarian Beverley Humphrey did me the honour of inviting me to contribute to her awesome Write Path project. Some of the best authors around (and, er, me) have written what Bev calls ‘story starters‘ – opening lines, 150 words max. – and from this Monday 4th October young people from schools around the world will be working together to turn those beginnings into finished stories.

Here’s my story starter:

When the dark let me go, the first thing I heard was sirens.

I was standing in some kind of warehouse: by the weak orange glow of the streetlights beyond the window at the room’s far end I could see that the walls were made of bare concrete. The air was cold and damp but my body was warm and clammy: I was breathing hard, like I’d been running.

Where was I? How had I got there? The last I remembered I’d been at my front door with my keys out – then blackness had swarmed down over my eyes and here I was.

My hands were sticky, smeared with something I didn’t identify – not until I looked past my fingers and saw that the shadowy lump on the floor in front of me was a body.

Blood on my hands. And the sirens were getting closer…

Want to know what happens next? Me too! Here’s a link to the Write Path ning where you can follow the progress of this and the other stories on the blog.

I have joined a gang.

Over the coming months I’m going to be teaming up with some of the finest writers of thrilling new books for young people around right now.

If you want to meet Alexander Gordon Smith, Jon Mayhew, Alex Bell, Steve Feasey, Alex Milway, Sarwat Chadda (and, er, me) then The Crystal Palace Children’s Book Festival on Sat 23rd October is the place to be. Our Best of Horror workshop will be the Chainsaw Gang’s debut event. Tickets are free but places are limited: if you want to be sure not to miss it click here to book now and book often. ;D

On Fri 29th Oct Gordon, Sarwat, William Hussey and I hit Norwich Millennium Library

Then on Sunday 31st Oct Bill, Sarwat and I will be at Foyle’s on London’s Charing Cross Road, representing the Chainsaw Gang for the bookshop’s Angels and Demons Halloween Extravaganza.

And this is all just the start. A Chainsaw Gang website and blog tour are in the offing — and shadowy ‘Gang mastermind Sarwat Chadda has all sorts of other tricks up his sleeve.

Getting the chance to combine forces with this posse of awesome authors is a huge thrill. I hope you’re as excited as I am. Hee hee hee HEE!

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